


no tears, no fears

by stefonzolesky



Category: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 12:17:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18756289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: “Don’t give me that look.”“I’m not giving you a look.”“You’re always giving me some kind of look. I don’t like this particular look that you’re giving me.”





	no tears, no fears

Joel finds himself settling more often than not. 

_ “She doesn't ask enough questions. She assumes that she knows things about me, things that I don't even really know.” _

He can hear himself saying those words, but he doesn’t remember them. He knows he should, he knows that they’re important -- that a past they had was important, but it’s gone.

Starting over, though, doesn’t seem to bother him so much. Something about the promise of doing it right this time satisfies him, until he remembers that he’ll never know what went wrong the first time around.

If there was something he could have done to prevent it, he’ll never know. And  _ God,  _ does he want to know.

Clementine’s hair -- newly a deep red -- spills over the pillow on the bed next to him. He stares at the back of her head, eyes half lidded, and tries to just… breathe.

He wakes up early in the morning, all on his own, and makes her breakfast. Or, he tries to. The smell of burning is what wakes her up.

“Joel?” She rubs her eyes, brushing tangled hair from her face. “Is everything alright?”

Joel halts fanning away the smoke with a magazine.

“I was trying to make you breakfast,” He says sheepishly. “I kinda fucked it all up, though.”

“I can see that,” Clementine says, giving a solemn nod. “Well, it’s the thought that counts. Right?”

“Right.” Joel drops the spatula and turns the knob on the stove so that the flames stop burning. “I probably should have turned that off sooner.”

Clementine laughs, taking smooth steps closer to her boyfriend and pressing a sloppy kiss to the side of his mouth. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Clem, it’s noon,” Joel tells her.

“I’ll be up before three.”

 

Clementine always sleeps in. She always promises she’ll be up before three. She’s always up between two-thirty and three.

For someone as spontaneous as her, she sure does fall into a lot of habits. Joel tends to notice things like that. He tends to notice a lot of things.

She wakes up early, she goes back to sleep, she eats something small for breakfast even though Joel can tell she wants more. She leaves the house at night, she comes back drunk. Sometimes she doesn’t come back. Sometimes Joel has to bail her out. There was a point where he stopped caring about that, and it was just another meaningless moment in his day.

She pouts in the passenger seat of his car for no reason.

“I did nothing,” Joel tells her, because he didn't, and there's no reason for her to be mad.

_ “Joel,” _ She whines.

_ “Clem,” _ Joel whines back, matching her tone with much annoyance. He scoffs at her and she looks at him with those “I knew you would get sick of me” eyes that Joel always falls for.

He sighs. “Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what?” Clementine asks with wide-eyed innocence. “I’m not being like anything.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“I’m not giving you a look.”

“You’re always giving me some kind of look. I don’t like this particular look that you’re giving me.”

Clementine sets her jaw. “There's no look.”

Joel grinds his teeth together and turns his attention back to the road.

 

Joel almost always feels like he’s falling behind.

_ Almost  _ always _ , _ not so often that he thinks that he should talk to someone about it, but just often enough that he starts to wonder what it means for him.

Clementine makes him feel like he’ll never be able to walk fast enough. He loves her to death and even further.


End file.
